Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Best friends brother. Beat that.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
