Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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