You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
