i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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