another moral hangover. fuck.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
