I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
