Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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