A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
