how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
