I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
