dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
