Soap is not a condiment
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
