I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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