Cold hands, warm shart.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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