im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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