Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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