my vag is so smooth its legendary
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
