Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
