don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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