I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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