I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
