Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
