Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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