Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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