I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
