I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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