You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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