why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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