Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
