My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
