Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
