In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
