Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
