There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
