I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
