Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Houston, we have a squirter
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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