Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
