then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
