what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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