Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
