I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
