R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
