last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
