I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
