Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
