I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
