The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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