normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize