Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
