Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i think my mom watched the whole time
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
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she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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