i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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