They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I need water and some morals
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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