apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
