I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
