no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
