remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
What did we do last night that was yellow?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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