don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
