from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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