watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
