I cockslap morals
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
