There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
