Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
