the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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