I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
there's paper in my vomit.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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