hell yes lets make some ravioli
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
