I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
