You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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