we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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